Sir Bob's smackdown of Sir Gareth Morgan last week was a delight. A 5000m-high statue, no less, of Our Saviour celebrating his "overwhelming wonderfulness" which Sir Robert would erect on land currently occupied by his Solnet House, a building he'd demolish to accommodate the grand Gareth-the-Redeemer (a la Rio de Janeiro's Christ).
But Gareth lost his sense of humour and was offended by the suggestion. He is a humble man. He loathes publicity. Shuns fame. Hates reporters forcing comment from him. Shut up Sir Bob, and leave this shy, retiring fellow be.
There are others who deserve immortalizing in granite or marble or stone.
Mai Chen for a start: selfless in her inspiration of other women. A 5000m-high dedication to boosting the turnover of Adrienne Winkelmann, and spitting in the face of racism against Asians. Ms Chen's statue should be modelled in the manner of Rosa Parks, sitting on a corner in Dallas.
Then there's her mentor Geoffrey Palmer who loyally allows his name to remain knotted to hers, when just a bucket of water could separate the 'Chen' & 'Palmer' for ever. He would look great in the image of an Easter Island statue, as has already very kindly been pointed out some years ago by the editor of Metro magazine.
In the US Supreme Court is a famous statue of the 4th Chief Justice John Marshall, seated in a chair, right hand outstretched. Sir Bob could well do (ahem) justice to that great expert in all things legal in this country, Dr Bill Hodge, by knocking down his beloved (former Fay, Richwhite) building in Auckland and commissioning a 5000m replica of the media's go-to legal expert Dr Hodge.
But surely the one person most deserving of our total respect, the current media darling, is that cheeky fellow Arthur Taylor, soon no doubt to be Sir Arthur Taylor?
The "Goody Baddie" as folks in television like to call him.
As Labour MP Kelvin Davis well knows, what Taylor doesn't know about the inside of prisons, is not worth knowing. He is the absolute authority. And from what Lisa Owen discovered in the weekend on 'The Nation', Taylor's legal mind is the finest in the country. Can we soon expect an announcement: Sir Arthur Taylor, Queens Counsel? I think so.
There is, of course, no question that Sir Arthur is telling the truth at all times when he is interviewed by these people.
The fact he has, oooh about 150 criminal convictions doesn't give pause to the breathless ones, eager to rub shoulders with the bad and infamous. Of course they don't doubt him.
Arthur didn't kill anyone.
His only misdemeanors were theft, armed robbery, fraud, burglary, escaping custody, drug possession, receiving stolen property, conspiring to sell methamphetamine.....pah! mere bagatelles.
According to "The Hub" news site Arthur is polite, has a heart of gold, and is sort of "picaresque".
That's all right then. He's a kind of Robin Hood - in his own words he "sticks up for the underdog". He just nicks stuff from rich people, like those ones with a Coromandel holiday house. They weren't using it at the time.
And meth doesn't hurt people really.
Nobody, it seems, was harmed in the making of this new hero.
Start ordering the scaffolding then, Sir Bob.
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