Ten Commandments from Parliament

INCASEYOUMISSEDIT (as the NZ Herald loves to proclaim when it repeats stuff from Buzzfeed) the National Cabinet issued new edicts. Ministers were influenced by the Minister of Corrections' extremely thoughtful directive of last week in which MPs were rescued from potential attacks from savage criminals due to so many random prison visits.  Henceforth, SHEWHOMUSTBEOBEYED wrote, MPs must ask for permission from the Minister's office when they wish to visit prisons and bugger the Corrections Act 2004 (my swear word).

So the following visits are from this day off-limits for all MPs without express permission:

1. Minister of Finance: Thou shalt not visit a bank lest thou borrow money thou canst repay.

2. Minister of Education: Thou shalt not ride a school bus if thou name be Winston.

3. Minister of Education (yes, again): Thou shalt not visit a school lest thou be a teacher not under supervision by the Education Council.

4. Minister of Health: Thou shalt not visit a hospital lest thou wait too long in ED and end up on front page of Dominion Post in its weekly OIA sweep.

5. Minister of America's Cup: Thou shalt not go to any series lest thou stay away from The House for months and never want to come home.

6. Minister of Justice: Thou shalt not drop in on a court case lest thou be tempted to remove all thou clothes and end up in the Herald on Sunday.

7. Minister of Internal Affairs: Thou shalt not visit the Office of the Chief Censor lest thou become addicted to porn, wrestle with thou addiction, then out thouself on social media.

8. Minister of Agriculture: Thou shalt not visit a farm lest thou pee into a river.

9. Minister of Social Welfare: Thou shalt not visit Housing NZ house lest thou be tempted to attack mould with bleach and a scrubbing brush and deprive media of sob stories.

10. Minister for Canterbury Earthquake Recovery: Thou shalt not visit Christchurch lest a wardrobe fall on thou with its key poking out and thou give birth to baby wardrobes.

Amine, waiho ki tena.