If two mates over beers can galvanise the country to crowdfund and buy an inlet, why can't we reverse the process and sell the entire country?
CrowdSelling. Cos that's what Kiwis do.
They weren't celebrities endorsing. One even had an apostrophe in the middle of his name where someone forgot how to spell.
Why do I suggest selling three main islands and assorted cling-ons, lock stock and barrel?
Because who appreciates this place any more?
Look around and all you see is a glass-half-empty attitude.
Take that latest Fonterra survey. It found just over one in ten dairy farmers are feeling pressured by banks so that means more than one in eight farmers are doing okay.
But nah mate. You'd think from the radio reports we're all going to hell in a handcart.
Sit down with a gin at six to watch the news on telly, which should really be called the olds because it's not new, and it's car crashes or stabbings, crime or some munter in court yelling at a judge. The cops are bad and the crims are saints.
Everything's the fault of the gummint.
The minimum wage is raised but it's not high enough. Students go to Dunedin to burn down houses and couches, generally destroy property.
Gangs abuse their missuses and kids but live the life of Riley on welfare and drug-dealing cos they're just "misunderstood", while honest women (mostly) who clean up shit and piss and care for elderly in old folks homes earn fuck all. And if you're dying of cancer you have to beg a career politician with a Bouffant Billy hairstyle and a penchant for wearing a bowties for permission to go gentle into the good night with the aid of medicinal cannabis.
Shoot me now.
We're finger-wagged and lectured over what we can drink, how much we eat, we're too fat, too thin, swear too much, mustn't streak across a cricket pitch, shouldn't eat peas with our knife, drink coffee, keep a rooster, eat pies, go naked at a nudist camp, smoke cigars, fuck the hottie at a Xmas party with the blinds up, be Mayor and have an affair, be an MP and buy wine, be PM and touch head hair that belongs to someone else, (are we there yet? No, but that's e-bloody-nough, Ed).
Am I grumpy?
Yes I am right now.
It's out of character for me, because recently Andy Sutherland, a contractor and grape-grower asked if I sleep with a smile on my face.
Life is not a dress rehearsal. New Zealanders don't appreciate what we've got. Listen to Joni.
Mmm. Far be it for me to put you in more of a tailspin by questioning drinking gin at a winery.
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